oddgirl’s blog

As I try and return my life to a more manageable state, I am fighting the urge to go directly to the airport after work tomorrow and fly to a) Palm Springs b) Los Angeles or c) somewhere/anywhere else for the weekend.

Instead I breathe through, pay bills (just paid off my car), and take another part of the project under my wing. I get to be a grown up for the forseeable future and that means that no matter how much I want to run off to somewhere fun and drink with friends or lay in the sun I get to commit, focus, plan and execute instead.

I signed up for this. All of it. Time to step up.

And on a lighter note, I’m playing around with iminlikewithyou which is not a social networking site, not a personals site and not a game. But is kinda all three. Fascinating stuff.

I think I have a cavity. And when I get to the dentist 45 minutes from now, I’ll get to find out. I haven’t had a new cavity in probably 20 years. Oi.

The thing is that with my brain spinning around so much these days, having a cavity is by far the least of my concerns.

I can’t decide if I’m bummed that the 3-day weekend is over and I have to go back to work or if I’m relieved that the 3-day weekend is over and I get to go back to work.

People talk about life being an emotional rollercoaster, but mine feels more like a ping pong table right now. Complete with the ball getting whacked every time it goes on one side or the other. I’d like for one of the sides to hit me into the net and leave me rolling around there softly for awhile. Or even better to roll off the table and onto a beach in Hawaii.

I’m late. Gotta go.

Contrary to the subject this isn’t a zombie posting…

Woke up at 5:30 am and stewed about work. Knowing that if I go back to sleep I won’t want to get up in an hour and a half… but trying to make myself sleep anyhow. Laying/stewing for another hour and finally just getting up at 6:30, turning my alarm off way before it buzzes and padding into the kitchen to make coffee.

side note to those of you who come seeking info about the game itself: I’m not stewing about the project. The project is fine.

It’s this particular job part – the kinda thing that can happen at any job: the working with someone you don’t want to work with part. Knowing that the current situation as well as the actual working with the person will both pass, but also knowing it won’t happen soon enough and part of being a stoopid grown up is having to just fucking deal with it. I had a therapist who when I once complained about working with said co-worker said something like, “there will always be some asshole at every job that you have to deal with, so you just have to decide if the devil you know is better than the devil you don’t”.

The thing that bugs me is I let it bother me this much. For the most part, I love work – the project is amazing. Other than this one person, I like and respect my co-workers, my staff and my boss. I wish I could let the anxiety go but it wakes me up at 5:30 and doesn’t leave me alone.

It’s not like I don’t have other things I could be stewing about.

This was a roller coaster week – started with vacation-y day and then got turned upside down at work. Finally leveled off yesterday afternoon so going into the weekend should be almost a return to normalcy-ish.

I’ve never claimed to be a tactful and/or classy gal so I gave out a small whoop when Jerry Falwell died – he was no friend of mine on any level. But ultimately, I agree with Mark Morford – in this case it’s easier to let Falwell’s words speak for himself:

“The National Organization for Women (NOW) is the National Organization of Witches.”

“God doesn’t listen to Jews.”

“AIDS is not just God’s punishment for homosexuals; it is God’s punishment for the society that tolerates homosexuals.”

“Tinky Winky is gay.”

And it probably is no coincidence that someone sent me this game this week. If I’m going to hell, I’m going down playing this game….

I’m not necessarily a Porsche enthusiast, but I’d go here. That looks like a dream vacation to me. I think if I wasn’t making games, I’d be a race car driver – and I’d love to do one of the fantasy driving school vacations someday. I think it’d be pretty damn fun to try drag racing too.

I’m going houseboating soon – for a few days with one of my favorite co-workers. For speed on that trip I’ll have to settle for Jetskis. Which I’ve never done. Which should be very fun.

But for now. Off to work I go.